When Kayla Asked the Question That Hit Me Harder Than Any Workout

When Kayla Asked the Question That Hit Me Harder Than Any Workout

I had one of those days.

The kind of day you’d show your younger self as proof that the late nights, the nerves, the “am I really cut out for this?” moments… were worth it.

I led a virtual session for a big event—one of those “pinch me” opportunities where you realize your voice actually matters in rooms you used to only dream about. I showed up prepared, confident, and in full coach mode.

And yes—my “professional” outfit was a real thing up top and comfy life on bottom, because that’s adulthood now.

People said kind things afterward. The kind of feedback you replay in your head later while pretending you’re not replaying it.

It was a good day.

Then… real life happened.

Soccer practice. Third grade homework. Dinner. Showers. One missing shin guard. One missing water bottle. And one 9-year-old girl named Kayla with that post-evening energy that could power a small city.

When the house finally got quiet, I tucked her into bed. Ponytail still a little crooked from practice. Cleats by the door like she’s already ready for tomorrow.

And right when I thought we were coasting toward sleep, she hit me with the classic kid move:

A question that sounds simple… but absolutely is not.

She stared at the ceiling for a minute and said, “Mom?”

“Yeah, babe?”

Her voice got smaller.

“What if my friends are being mean?”

Okay. Tough, but doable. We can talk through this.

Then she asked the one that made my chest tighten:

“What if they’re nice to everyone else… but not me?”

She swallowed hard.

“What if they don’t want me in their group anymore? And… what if it’s because I’m not fun enough?”

And then came the hard question—the one that landed like a weight I wasn’t expecting:

“Do I still count if nobody picks me?”

---

Because That Question Doesn’t Stay in Third Grade

If you’re reading this and you’ve built anything—strength, confidence, a healthier body, a business, a better mindset—you know that question doesn’t disappear when we grow up.

It just changes outfits.

It becomes:

• Do I still count if the scale doesn’t move?
• Do I still count if I missed workouts this week?
• Do I still count if my energy is low and I’m trying anyway?
• Do I still count if my progress doesn’t look like hers?
• Do I still count if I’m not “winning” right now?

And here’s the truth:

That question isn’t dramatic. It’s human.

Being left out hurts because we’re wired for connection. Belonging matters.

But your worth? Your value? Your identity?

That can’t be decided by a group chat, a lunch table, a scoreboard, or a number on a scale.

---

What I Told Kayla (And What I Want You to Hear Too)

I scooted closer to her bed and said the truest thing I know:

“Kayla, you count because you’re you.”

“You count on the days you score goals.”

“You count on the days you miss.”

“You count when people are kind.”

“You count when someone makes a bad choice and leaves you out.”

And then I added something important:

“And we’re also going to do something about it.”

Because loving someone and guiding them aren’t opposites.

We didn’t spiral into assumptions. We stayed with the facts:

• What happened?
• How did it make you feel?
• What do you want to be true tomorrow?

Then we chose one brave step.

Not a perfect plan. Not a revenge moment. Not a “be stronger” speech.

Just one next step—because confidence is built through reps, not lectures.

Right after that, she said:

“Okay… can you stay until I fall asleep?”

And honestly? That request is the most elite negotiation tactic on Earth.

---

The Kayla Check (A Practice for Every Woman Who’s Trying)

Laying there next to her, I realized something:

We live in a world that measures everything.

Steps. Calories. Macros. Likes. Views. Revenue. Results.

And those tools can help. They can guide. They can track.

But no tool can give you the one thing Kayla was really asking for:

A sense of worth that doesn’t rise and fall with who includes you… or how you performed today.

So here’s what I’m starting in our house.

I call it The Kayla Check.

Every night, I ask myself:

“Would I still respect the woman I was today… even if nothing went my way?”

Not “Did I win?”

Not “Did everyone approve?”

Not “Did I hit every goal?”

Just:

• Was I brave?
• Was I kind?
• Did I show up honestly?
• Did I choose progress over perfection?

Because when your worth is tied to being picked, one bad day can break you.

But when your worth is tied to your character?

You become unbreakable.

---

One Last Thing Kayla Said That I’ll Never Forget

Right as she was drifting off, she whispered:

“Mom… if they don’t pick me tomorrow… can I still pick myself?”

And I said, “Yes, baby. That’s the whole point.”

---

Try This Tonight

Before bed, ask yourself the Kayla Check:

“Would I still respect the woman I was today, even if nothing worked?”

And if today felt heavy—if you feel overlooked, behind, or discouraged—let this be your reminder:

You still count.

Even on the days you miss.

Even on the days you’re not picked.

Even on the days you’re rebuilding.

Especially then.

Stronger Together as WON,

Amy Cain